Something always happens, doesn’t it? We’re plugging away at building new, healthy habits and without warning life brings another disruption to knock it all down. Usually it’s sudden and requires an immediate response, but sometimes we get some preparation time. Either way, though, disruptions test the limits and weaknesses of the progress we’ve made.
Maybe you’ve had to move, or changed jobs. A breakup or loved one passed away. Could be a car or house malfunction that needs to be fixed asap. Even a windfall of prosperity counts. Anything that brings sufficient change to our lives has the power to destroy the life we’re painstakingly building during those boring, repeatable, dependable days.
Yet a life without surprises—good or bad—is impossible. So we all figure out some way to fortify our efforts, to keep from having to start all over again.
This past weekend, I went on a trip. Nothing super exciting; in fact, some might consider it boring in of itself. Family stuff, and not the fun and exciting kind. Just enough disruption to shake the hell out of my habit tree.
We’re gonna find out how many coconuts fall down.
Ancestors reference aside, it’s entirely possible that my sleep and stress will get out of hand—it’s happened before. As I’m writing this (before the trip), there are a few things I’m working on to help make the recovery time as easy as possible. Maybe it wont be so bad?
And if the worst should happen and everything gets knocked down, that’s ok. I’ve got plenty of experience in getting back up, after all.
Why Does It Happen?
First of all, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Why do we get so easily derailed? Researching this a bit we can reasonably say for good or bad these experiences can be classified as “surprises.” According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD, ABPP on Psychology Today, this lights up ‘novelty-triggered neurons.’ Basically, surprises hack our minds and memory to gain priority over those with less emotional impact—a lot like trauma and fear.
Unpredictability, therefore, uses stress to override our calm, collected, logical memory in favor of that wild monkey-mind or “lizard brain” that springs to our aid without thinking. Habits and routines are sacrificed for the sake of responding to the surprise. When the surprise is small and sudden, like a party, the effects only last a day or so. Larger surprises that take longer to resolve (or accept), might threaten to hijack our rational mind for weeks.
We don’t have to be in that emotional state consistently for it to affect our lives and decisions, either.
A Story About Car Repair
Not long ago, my car broke down. Big deal, right? Happens all the time. Well, it broke by popping a tire on the freeway on the way to an appointment. Hell of a surprise! My partner expertly maneuvered to the shoulder and we set to work on doing our parts to get the spare on the car and continue on our way. Crisis over, right?
Wrong. The disruption had only just begun.
The immediate surprise was resolved, but so much was still yet to be done. We needed a new tire, that was for sure, but what caused the tire to pop in the first place? It wasn’t your normal puncture—that would have just been a flat tire. And on top of that, the coolant was leaking as well. That’s not even the same end of the car!
I bowed out. I couldn’t handle another emergency; I was already working out this trip and how I’d handle the stress of being around family members I haven’t seen in years. As far as the car was concerned, my partner was on his own in figuring out what needed to happen next.
Watching him, I felt like I understood a lot better how my own responses have undermined my efforts to dig out of the bs I felt buried by…
Sidenote
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