Look at that frozen giant. Caught at a moment of triumph against what looks to be a serpent beneath him, never to feel the rush of celebration for his success.
Feels a lot like me right now.
The point of working on self-care is to better weather the storms, to ride through the waves of life like a tsunami pro. What they don’t focus on are the moments of success that feel like utter defeat.
My 2023 has been like battling that serpent—epic and dangerous, taking everything out of me. About a month ago, the battle seemed to turn in my favor. EMDR has gone really well at tackling the inner demons, giving me strength to wrangle life’s challenges as they crop up. And then, winter blew in.
Resting In The Ring
I’ve talked about giving up before, the idea of taking a well-earned break when overwhelm or burnout sets in. It’s an act of letting go of all the plans and promises for even just a moment to reset and recommit to them again—or not. Sometimes, though, the need for rest comes on suddenly while in the ring, or actively fighting against the tide. Frozen like an ancient giant warrior, we can feel locked in an eternal struggle in the very moment we’re supposed to find respite.
Not super relaxing, really.
Usually by this time, I’ve planned out decreasing responsibilities between September and December. By this point in the year, I typically have a handful of tasks to do for the remainder of the year. In 2022, that changed. I pushed through, trying to be “normal” and consistent with Medium articles. If I’m being honest with myself, I think that was probably a mistake; I didn’t fully rest with the world outside.
Note: If you’re in the Southern Hemisphere, I suspect the flow would feel reversed. Resting in July would likely feel a lot more natural there than it does here. But I honestly don’t know. I’ve only ever lived in the Northern half.
This year, I’ve sort of done it again. Plowed right into December with goals and aspirations to fulfill without regard to the season.
For a few weeks now, I’ve been fighting enormous serpents wondering why it’s so difficult to move. The serpents were freezing, too, so the battle raged on—these demons have been subjugating me for awhile now. Winter couldn’t wait.
Scaling Serpent Mountain
We’ve all got a multitude of issues to confront at any given time, but there’s that one issue ruling them all. The one birthing new serpents left and right, den to a massive, evil dragon looming over everything we do. Even mentioning it sends a shiver down the spine and/or rage in the gut.
This week, I began climbing that God-forsaken mountain. And, boy was I underprepared for the after-effects.
I’m starting to view my 1-hour weekly sessions as their own boxing match, considering I keep getting emotionally knocked out! My brain has been so utterly exhausted that this very article is a miracle—there was a very good chance it was never getting written at all.
Each session, we go a little deeper and push a bit further into the dark, poisoned and atrophied parts of my traumatized psyche. We also get another week closer to solstice. It’s a bit backwards now that I think on it. 🤔
Here We Are, Friends Old And New
I’ll be honest—I might struggle to write these articles during December. And January sucks, but it’s the perfect time for an annual reset and recommit. That’s why people do resolutions, right? Done right, it can set me up a bit better for the year to come, and become its own foundation of sorts.
Over the weekend, I’ll work out a plan to close this chapter. Monday’s article will probably include that plan, and possibly some realization I’ll happen upon in the process. One day, perhaps I’ll figure out how to keep things going through December and January while still accounting for the annual rest period. For now, I have to accept where I am.
Self-care is all about self-awareness. It’s also about knowing when rest is needed for recovery and healing.
I encourage you to speak your mind, whatever your thoughts. Do you feel disappointed? Relieved? Your feelings are valid, too. 💕
People out there that push themselves to the limit as I once did may be feeling the weight of overwhelm or burnout creeping up on them like a freezing rain this time of year. It’s ok to rest. It’s ok to take a break. Giving up is only permanent when life is over—until then, we can always try again when we’ve regained our strength.
Until next time, remember to follow yourself, always!