Thank you. No, really. Without you reading these articles, this self-care journey would be significantly harder.
I know you have goals, too. Self-care goals, career goals, personal goals—I’m sure you have your aspirations, same as anyone else. But are you pursuing them alone, or with friends? Most likely you’re climbing that mountain by yourself, I would assume. Because that’s what we all tend to do, right? They’re your goals, after all.
But what if I told you that’s a hard-mode choice? What if going about things alone was actively working against you?
~And that somehow, sharing your goals with others isn’t helping, either?
Threading The Needle
It’s almost as if you can’t win, isn’t it? But hear me out, there’s a way through this hardmode maze yet. Let’s run through the basics here:
Groups help
Sharing goals doesn’t
Can you see the narrow path there? Working in a group helps because each person in the group brings their own motivation to the whole; being social creatures, we don’t want to disappoint our tribe so their motivation to continue becomes yours as well. But talking about our individual goals actually spends that motivation energy—if you have time to tell people about your aspirations, you’re not working toward them.
Not that we have to be working toward our goals in every moment, but using your motivation to discuss the goal often ends up a sly way to shoot ourselves in the foot!
So the solution seems to become part of a group with the same general goals, and stick to talking about what you’ve done to get there—focus on the successes rather than the plans. Right?
Except For Shared Goals
What if the group you’ve joined has a shared goal? For instance, writers often collaborate on projects together. Communication is a big part of getting work done, so obviously keeping your thoughts to yourself is counterintuitive.
Oh, but then there’s individual goals that you might share in common with others. Like if your group is all about abstaining from alcohol, then sharing your stories and tactics might really help out. This one has the same ring to it that Wednesday’s Point #3 had of sharing our stories—and consuming the stories of others to help with motivation.
BUT, I think this might mean to stay away from those stories that dwell in victimization. You know the ones. They don’t have any suggestions to try out or perspective shift that helped them overcome their trauma. The stories that end up basically a bitch-fest (and hey, I’m sure I’ve written a few of those myself so no shade) don’t really help us enact meaningful change.
So there might be some exceptions to this rule, making the needle’s eye that much smaller…
Following Yourself, Connecting With Others
One way around all this is writing. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you enjoy writing. And reading. And connecting with others. You probably want to share your stories and confide in a group that encourages you to keep moving forward toward your goals.
But you may look back and see a string of accidental self-sabotage in using up your motivation by writing about what you’re doing. Sound familiar?
This is where places like Substack and Medium can help—or hinder—our progress. It’s not the platform’s fault, much as we would love to pin it on them. Sure, they both can end up forming echo chambers where we get lost in the sabotage unknowingly, but they also give us the tools to climb out of it. In these places, we can spread our wings and grow beyond the groups holding us back to find new ones that give us a helping hand.
If you’re writing about your journey, look back and see how much you’ve written about the micro-successes versus complaining. And if you’re not writing at all… why not?
What’s In It For Me?
Why do I add those “Start a Substack” buttons so much? What do I get out of it, when everyone knows full well doing so is completely free?
The greatest benefit to connecting with others like this is that as you spread your wings on this platform, people drawn to your stories might check who you follow and see me. It’s the group that keeps on sharing! And the bigger the group, the greater the motivational energy it can generate—which benefits everyone all around!
More people to read (adding to the analytics, which always feels nice), more people to comment, and more people to check in on their journey to see how they are faring—more motivation still. And end goal, the more people email me to be part of the paid subs for free! That’s where the real goods come into play.
Wait—For Free?
Yup. Oh, you can pay for the subscription if you have $99 just laying around, but that’s not the point. Maybe someday I’ll have enough content in there that makes it worth the price, but for now that money is solely to circumvent talking to me. So, you know, it had to be a high bar.
‘Cuz people don’t like talking!
In a world where people literally post their meals, intrusive thoughts, and baby momma drama all over the internet, you’d think a conversation would be easy! Not so much, it seems. I mean, consider how willing you feel to shoot me a few messages right now—if you’re not already a “Trusted Monster,” chances are you’re probably scrunching your face up right now. No shade, though. I’m pretty much the same. 😆
Ah, Well, What Can You Do? 🤷♀️
I am so thankful for those that are already in my group here—and even though I hope to expand to people I don’t yet know, even just a couple of people can make a big difference. It feels good to sit down to write these posts knowing that you all are out there reading, and thinking about the topics I bring up.
If you wonder what you can do, even if you don’t feel up to having a full conversation to get free access to the other posts, I would still really love to hear a few words from you here and there. What groups do you use to help keep you motivated? Any suggestions for others that don’t involve other people?
Comment on this post using the button below:
Or, you could try out a new option: the The Accidental Journey subscriber chat!
This is a conversation space in the Substack app that I set up exclusively for my subscribers — kind of like a group chat or live hangout. I’ll post short prompts, thoughts, and updates that come my way, and you can jump into the discussion.
To join our chat, you’ll need to download the Substack app, now available for both iOS and Android. Chats are sent via the app, not email, so turn on push notifications so you don’t miss conversation as it happens.
How to get started
Download the app by clicking this link or the button below. Substack Chat is now available on both iOS and Android.
Open the app and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.
That’s it! Jump into my thread to say hi, and if you have any issues, check out Substack’s FAQ.
I'm not sure that I have much confidence in this regard, but I regularly get some motivation to release content from Twitch. But, the specific platform is less important than the basic interaction. I super agree that motivation is easier to come by in a group. One of the things that has motivated me by myself, has been experiencing art, of any kind. And, if you can find the time and energy, you can usually find a group through specific pieces of art that may or may not be able to help you find that motivation.
Just my two cents, tho, and might be way off. I struggle mightily to open myself up enough to be a part of a group's motivation, but ... I can see the possibility easier now, thanks to you writing this, so thanks, TAM! <3